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Salam... being a Queen to my beloved King Zaimi, and a mother to two lovely princesses Sofea and Julia, and a charming prince Adam... I would never asked more than happiness to be around us till the end of the world... Insya Allah...

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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Emak..

First of all.. I would like to congratulate a dear friend who stepped into another phase of her life as a wife and a mom... Wish you all the best in your new journey.. May you and family be blessed along the way...

Lately... and I mean this past few years.. emak always in my mind.. not that i did not remember her before.. but lately i feel like she's always by my side.. if years is the measure.. i didnt spend much time with emak in her life... she passed away when i was ten... and years in between i lived with my atok and my embah.. only if emak could get a maid to take care of me, that i would stay with her.. but during the last year of her life.. i insisted to live with her.. i didn't care if i'm the only child who finished my school at kampung.. i only wanted to be near her... and yet.. i only spent about five months with her.. she left us on 10th of July 1984.. in that short ten years... i still missed her a lot...

I tried to be like her.. somehow.. she is my role model... i learned to cook, to sew, to knit and other things that emak used to do.. but at one point i know that i cant be like her... i dont like planting.. but emak had a lots of flower pots around the house.. i do love flowers and bouquet but not growing them... i can't sulam my own baju.. eventhough i took the machine home hoping that miracle will happen.. i can't do the embroidery..

She taught me english since i was three.. back then i was proud to be the only person who knew english words in my kindergarten.. she would buy me fancy dresses and the one that i remembered most was the one i wore when i was four.. it was a sleeveless blue long dress with fancy ribbons which has three staggered layers.. i called it 'baju tingkat-tingkat'.. when it was too small for me, she bought me another when i was six.. it was a light blue long dress with ruffle sleeves and three staggered layers.. but i preferred the earlier... she bought me the dress for my kindergarten graduation day.. i was in the singing competition... i remembered that emak would ask me to sing at any time... be it in the bathroom, be it after meal or even before i slept.. and i got third place in the competition.. i lived with my embah when i was in standard one to standard three.. emak said she wanted me to be in the best school in town... and that would be SIGS.. she wanted me to be well-versed in english... every year i would beg emak to take me with her and finally emak did when i was in standard four..

When i lived with her, i thought that i could get things that wanted much easier.. but that was not the case... i had to beg her permission to join the 'Brownie' club at school.. emak finally agreed with one condition.. she wont give me a sen to pay for the fee or the uniform.. i had to earn my own... i desperately agreed with her condition.. i saved 10 sen or 20 sen a day for the fee and hopefully for the uniform... after two months, i had to pay twenty ringgit for my uniform but my saving was still not enough... i when went to emak and asked her for another eighteen ringgit because i only had two ringgit... after listening to her morning lecture, emak gave me eighteen ringgit and said "ini lapan belas ringgit ni pinjam tau.. kumpul duit dan bayar balik pada emak..". But i just forgot about saving and pay because i already had my uniform... but emak never asked me about the money ever... now i understand that it's not that emak didnt wanna give me the money.. its not that emak didnt have the money... emak wanted me to know that it was not easy to earn.. you have to work hard and save if you want to buy something... life is not that easy..

The last thing i remembered of emak's words were a piece of advice she gave to my cousin who was a year older.. my cousin used to blame her mom for anything.. she was anak abah.. and that made her think that her mom wont do any good to her... one fine morning... i was in the room with emak.. i massaged emak's head because she complained for headache since the night before.. then we heard my cousin barking to her mom and said some not-nice-for-hearing words from my cousin to her mom.. emak asked me to call my cousin into the room.. and then emak said.."macam mana pun kau benci emak kau.. dia tetap emak kau.. kalau kau tak tahu nak hormat mak engkau hidup kau tak akan pernah senang... ".. and i knew now that  whatever emak said to my cousin was true...

Now... whenever i had a low life or feeling down... my thought for emak become stronger... how i wish i could pour all my misery to her just to listen to her piece of advice... how i wish i could just lay down on her lap crying and fell asleep... how i wish i could share my happiness with her all the time... how i wish i could see her deep brown eyes smile with happiness.. how i wish... al-fatihah...


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